Real Mom Talk: The Sleep Training Woes

Sleep training sucks. There, I said it. If there is anyone out there who doesn’t think so, I have yet to meet them. All kids have to sleep train at some point to some extent. They all need to learn to self-soothe and put themselves to sleep (or back to sleep) eventually.

Some people swear by the “cry it out” method. Others say avoid it like the plague. So what’s a drained and exhausted mom to do when you’re being pulled in different directions?

Forget about everyone else and do what works for YOU.

You know yourself and your baby better than anybody else. It’s so easy for others to give advice, but just because you get suggestions doesn’t mean it will be what works best for you. The reason there are options with sleep training is that not every child is the same.

I had two very different experiences with both my kids when sleep training. With my daughter, I started sleep training her at 6 months. Up to that point, she had been sleeping in a pack n play in my room. She was still getting up multiple times a night to eat. I had gotten to the point where I wasn’t sleeping well (even when she was) because every little sound or movement she made woke me up. She was at the point of rolling and moving around in her sleep, so I decided to switch her to her own room/crib and start sleep training at the same time.

I started with naps. I got her used to her crib by putting her in it to play while I did stuff in her room so she’d grow to like it. Then I started putting her in the crib for nap times. When she was comfortable with naps, I started putting her in her crib overnight too.

For my daughter’s actual sleep training, I stuck with the Ferber Method (aka Cry It Out). It was hard at first. I hated hearing her cry, but I knew she needed to learn how to self-soothe and put herself to sleep. During the time I was sleep training, the days felt so long, but now, looking back, they really didn’t last that long at all. And the best part? To this day, my daughter happily goes to bed and plays until she puts herself to sleep!

I thought my daughter was hard but my son was even harder!

From early on, my son refused to sleep in the pack n play and would only sleep in my arms or in the swing. We were displaced for months after he was born due to a hurricane. So for his first month of life, he slept in my arms at my family’s house. Then for months 1-9 of his life, we lived in a temporary apartment where we only had the Pack ' n Play or swing as an option. He wouldn’t sleep in the pack n play no matter how hard I tried, so he slept in the swing.

Because we were only in a 2-bedroom apartment, my son slept in our room the whole time. Cue momma not getting any sleep! It was so hard and frustrating not being able to move him into his own room at 6 months, as I did with my daughter. Since we were in an apartment, I couldn’t let him cry it out, and since he was only sleeping in the swing, he never learned to self-soothe or put himself to sleep. He always had me calming him down or the swing rocking him to sleep. Talk about a stressful time! I can’t tell you how many times I complained about the situation to my husband.

We finally moved back home when our son was 9 months old. I got his crib set up ASAP and started putting him in his own room to sleep right away. It was not easy. We had a lot of things to work out. Most of it was out of our control, like not being in our house for so long and not being able to have space for him to sleep-train. But it was still incredibly hard. He wasn’t on any kind of schedule really because he refused to ever take naps. So not only did I have to sleep-train, but I also had to get him on a good schedule.

I started the Ferber Method again with him, and he HATED it. For the first week, I tried putting him in his crib for just nap times, and he would just scream. Nothing could console him. I’d go in and try to soothe him, and he’d scream even worse. I didn’t know what to do, and I felt like a horrible mom. I knew he was exhausted and needed sleep, but he refused to sleep.

I researched more and looked into other options, thinking maybe the Ferber Method just wasn’t for him. I tried a non-crying method where you basically sit with the baby until they fall asleep and slowly ease your way into being able to just leave the room. It was supposed to help him learn to go to sleep without crying it out. I thought it was a great idea and he’d like it…but it did not work for us. He would scream even more having me in the room with him than if I wasn’t.

So back to the drawing board we went. I tried a couple of other things with him, but nothing worked. I was more and more cranky and exhausted. I wanted to throw in the towel so many times, but I held onto the dim glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel. I kept reminding myself how hard it was with my daughter, but we made it through, and things were so great with her now.

With sleep training consistency is key.

The more you stick with one set routine and system, the easier the child will learn to adapt. So I started the Ferber Method again and was determined to stick it out this time. Boy, was it just as hard as the first time! For two straight weeks, I would lay my son down at 9 am for nap time. He would scream for hours straight until I got him up and fed him lunch, regardless of how many times I went into his room to try and console him. Then after lunch, I’d lay him down a 2nd time, and he’d scream until I got him up for dinner. At this time, I also decided to just put him in his crib overnight too. He’d usually fall asleep before I laid him down for the night, but he would sleep all night consistently. One win!

Very slowly but surely, he started getting into the new routine. He started crying less after I was out of the room but would still scream when I was leaving. After about another week, he started crying less and less. I remember the first time he didn’t cry at all when I left, like it was yesterday. I was so happy I cried. All the hard work was finally paying off!

He is now completely sleep-trained and doesn’t cry when I leave the room anymore. And he actually reaches to be put into his crib for bedtime! We just took our first family vacation, and he slept in a pack n play the whole trip with no fussing or issues. It took probably close to a month to get to a happy place, but we did it. And you can too!

Momma running on exhaustion fumes and still getting up multiple times a night with baby, I see you. Momma praying for the baby to get into a good routine and sleep well, I hear you. Momma feeling defeated and ready to give up, I feel you.

I see you.

I feel you.

I know you.

I’ve been exactly where you are. I know the struggles and tears. I know the crankiness and hope for change. It’s not always an easy road, and it’s not always a quick road…but it is a road worth traveling. When you make it to your destination and reach your goal, it makes it all that much more satisfying. You’ll feel accomplished, you’ll feel happier, and you’ll feel rested.

The sleep training phase is one of the biggest baby phases I both look forward to and dread at the same time. On one hand, I dread it because of how long the process can take. But on the other hand, once you do figure it out and get into a good sleeping routine, it is such a blessing!

With both of my kids, sleep training was a process that took time. It isn’t easy, but it is worth it. Stay consistent, and you’ll start to see results.

I know it’s hard, but you CAN do this!

Stay tuned for a follow-up blog post with tips and tricks to help you and your baby get into a good sleep training routine in a way that works for you both.

Top 6 Beaches in San Diego

San Diego is such a beautiful city! I lived in San Diego for 3 years, and it is still one of my favorite cities ever. I would go back in a heartbeat! San Diego (aka SD) has so much to offer. There is so much to see and do, including some of the most beautiful beaches in Southern California. I’ve been to almost every beach in San Diego and compiled this list of my personal favorites that you must see when you visit!

1. Coronado

Coronado Island is by far my favorite place in all of San Diego! And the beach is my favorite beach, hands down. I do have some very special memories here. My husband and I walked the beach on our first date, took engagement photos here, and we also tied the knot here. However, I fell in love with this beach long before I ever met my husband. 

In fact, Coronado was the first beach in San Diego that I ever went to. Coronado Island is among the richest of the rich. Most of the houses on the island are million-dollar mansions. It is also the historic site of the Hotel Del Coronado, which is the most spectacular sight by itself. The buildings and scenery are just gorgeous! I love just driving and strolling around the island, admiring all the beautiful houses. Central Beach has sand dunes, rocks, and a dog park on the north end.

Downside:

• There isn’t a parking lot by the beach. It is all street parking, so during peak times it can be hard to find parking, and it is very common to have to park in the neighborhoods and walk to the beach. 
• There is a Naval base on the north part of the island, so it can be loud with jets at times. 

2. Del Mar

Del Mar is another of my favorite places in San Diego. Del Mar is in North San Diego and is another richer area, more on the quiet side compared to other parts of SD. It is simply beautiful! I love this beach because there are pathways to walk up along the cliffs overlooking the beach.

I went to this beach often solo just to walk/run along the paths to get the views while exercising. It is so peaceful and relaxing! There always seem to be surfers in the water here, so if you like to surf, this is a good spot for that. There are plenty of benches, a little playground for kids, and grassy areas to hang out. Seagrove Park was my favorite spot. Plus, it is close to the shopping center in the heart of Del Mar Village, so it’s a quick walk to grab some food or drinks. 

Downside: 

• Not much parking, so it can be hard to come by. However, this is a common occurrence in Southern California. Any beach gets crowded easily, and it is hard to find parking, so this is quite standard. 
• It is farther north, so depending on where you live (or are staying), it can be a bit of a drive. But it is well worth it!

3. Mission Beach

Mission Beach has so much to offer! This was my favorite spot to bike. Belmont Park is located here and contains an old-school wooden roller coaster and some rides. There is a bomb boardwalk with so much to do. I used to ride along the boardwalk often, up and down throughout the beaches along here. I could ride all day and just gaze at the ocean/beach.

An added bonus: Mission Bay is right next door and has so many paths to ride/walk with plenty of areas to BBQ and just hang out. If you’re planning a big get-together, this is your spot! There are a lot of parking lots around the beach and bay, so you can usually find a spot if you drive around a little bit, even during peak season. 

Downside:

• There is always a lot going on. It is a very popular spot, so it always seems to be busy and can be quite crowded. 

4. La Jolla

Located south of Del Mar, La Jolla is another completely gorgeous spot! La Jolla Cove has some beautiful cliffs and a lot of seals. So if you want to see sea life, this is your spot! Just be prepared for all the noise the seals make.

La Jolla Shores is a great spot for scuba diving and snorkeling. There are so many neat shops and restaurants along the shores here. It is quite picturesque and a great spot for families. There are some good walking paths and grassy play areas as well along the Cove. 

Downside:

• The parking situation sucks here! This is probably the worst parking out of all the beaches I’ve been to. Unless you arrive at like 4/5am with the scuba divers, good luck finding a parking spot anywhere near where you want to be at the beach. 

5. Torrey Pines

Torrey Pines is another gorgeous spot that has the same type of feel as Del Mar. It is located between Del Mar and La Jolla and technically considered part of the Del Mar village. There are two parts of Torrey Pines: the State Beach and the State Reserve. The State Reserve has hiking trails, and you can hike down to the beach for some more fun. This was my favorite place to go hiking. You get to see beautiful views, exercise, and enjoy the beach after. 

Downside: 

• In the fall of 2018, part of a cliff collapsed at Flatrock, and large rocks are still falling. So follow all warnings posted and be cautious.
• If you hike down to the beach, you have to hike your way back up afterward to get back to your car. 

6. Pacific Beach

Pacific Beach (“PB”) is beautiful and has so much to do! This is mainly the college-age area, and there are plenty of bars all around. There are also shops and a pier. There is always so much happening. There are some really great hotels right along the beach here. 

Downside:

• PB is the college party type area. If you’re not into the party scene or don’t want to be around that vibe, I’d steer clear of this spot, especially at nighttime. 

Coronado Island

There are so many great beach options in San Diego, and you really can’t go wrong with whatever you choose. Every beach has its pros and cons. I wanted to keep it real for you by including the downsides to each of these beaches.

My husband and I greatly disagree with our favorites (mine being Coronado and his being Pacific Beach). It all kind of just depends on what you are looking to get out of your beach experience. All the beaches have their own unique vibe, and depending on what you’re looking for, it will depend on which you like best.

Give these ones a shot and let me know if you agree or disagree with my assessment. Happy exploring!

How to Keep Kids Entertained on Rainy Days

I don’t know about you, but I am not a fan of rainy days. Never have been. I know it’s a necessity, but I just don’t like them. I never want to go out, run errands, or do anything during a rainy day. And with kids, it adds another layer of not wanting to leave the house. 

Being a stay-at-home mom, I get cabin fever and feel cooped up sometimes. There are days I like running errands just to get out of the house. There are days I take the kids for a neighborhood walk just for a change of pace. 

Now imagine how a rainy day can put a big damper on your mood if you were planning to get out of the house and then it starts raining. And imagine how cooped up you’d feel if the rain lasted multiple days. 

How do you keep your kids from feeling the same way as you? Not to mention all the energy they are now trying to burn inside because they can’t go outside. Based on my own childhood and having children myself — here are some things that I have discovered to help keep kids entertained during those (not so fun) rainy days.

Arts & Crafts

A favorite activity of mine growing up was arts and crafts. My mom did a great job of having us do different crafts, so I developed a big love for it. I loved using construction paper and magazines to make my own posters. There are so many options for things to create within arts and crafts!

For young kids, coloring or painting are good options. With older kids, you could make something with beads or buttons. If you’re stumped on ideas of what to make, find some ideas online. Pinterest is your best friend for arts and crafts DIYs! The good news is the options are endless for what you can make; you just have to use your imagination. So break out those art supplies and get to creating! 

Build Something

Build with blocks or Legos. Or better yet, go bigger and build a fort! What kid doesn’t love to make a fort out of blankets? I know I always loved doing this as a kid. Another favorite of mine was to use the kitchen table chairs to create a bus. I’d line them up in a row and pretend it was a bus or car or sometimes even a train. Your kids can bring dolls or other family members to ride along. You could also make a maze out of clothes, books, or other items you have around the house. Just build something and let your kids use their imagination to bring it to life.

Bake Something

If your kids are old enough to help or it is enjoyable when they do, head to the kitchen and bake something. Maybe try your hand at cookies, muffins, or some bread. Let your kids help you mix and stir up the batter and make a tasty treat. 

Bring the Outdoors Inside

What is your child’s favorite outside activity? Can you recreate it inside? For my daughter, it is sidewalk chalk. She always wants to play with it. When we lived in a 3rd-story apartment and I had a newborn, I couldn’t take her outside to play with it often. So we came up with a way for her to play with it inside. I tried to find a big enough chalkboard (and couldn’t), so instead, I got creative and bought a big black sheet of poster board. She draws on the poster board with her chalk and still, to this day, uses it if it is rainy outside and she wants to play with her chalk. 

If your kids love to play in a kiddy pool, why not fill the bathtub a little and let them swim/play around in there? If your kids love the sandbox, why not try a more miniature version? Try filling a bucket or big Tupperware container with some sand and letting them have some hand-only sensory play instead of full-body play. Think outside the box and find a way to let your kids still have fun with their favorite outside activities while inside the house instead. 

Put on a Show

Another favorite of mine as a kid was putting on shows. I loved entertaining so much! My sisters, friends, and I would put on just about any show you could think of. We did fashion shows, dance shows, singing shows, and just general talent shows. We would do them for each other and for our families. This can be a great creative outlet for your kids while keeping them busy for hours preparing and rehearsing. For younger kids, you could put on a show for them like a puppet show or a flashlight shadow show. 

Sensory Play

Break out the Play-Doh and slime! Sensory play is huge right now! There are so many cool ideas and easy DIY sensory items you can make at home with everyday items. You can use Play-Doh, slime, sand, Jell-O, just about anything you can think of. This is a fun tool for kids to experience a new sensation and to try playing with something new. Need some sensory ideas? Just Google or Pinterest away! There are seriously SO many options!

Go to the Rain

If it’s not raining or storming too bad and you’re up for getting wet, you can always get outside and enjoy the rain. Dance or sing in the rain. Go for a little walk with umbrellas or stomp in some puddles. If your kids are anything like mine, they probably love splashing around in the water! As long as you don’t mind the clean-up afterward, why not just join in on the rain's fun?

Next time you’re stumped on how to keep your kids entertained when it’s raining out, give one of these tips a try! Drop a comment to let me know what works best for you and your kids. And enjoy those rainy days!

4 Unexpected Things I Struggled with as a First-Time Mom

In a lot of ways, becoming a first-time mother was easier than I expected. There is nothing like seeing your brand-new baby for the first time, the first kiss, the smiles, and the growth milestones. But in a lot of ways, it was also more challenging and different than I was expecting.

There’s no rule book on how to feel or what to expect. Everyone’s experiences are different, and hormones, personality, and other factors can play a huge role in your own personal experience. Everyone handles stress and excitement in different ways. Becoming a parent for me was very different than I thought it would be.

While I didn’t have any postpartum depression or other serious issues, I still struggled to find a balance and a new normal in my life. I love my daughter and wouldn’t trade my experience for anything in the world! But let’s be real–even if you are the most natural parent in the world, no one is perfect, and not every single moment is beautiful or magical. Life isn’t always easy, but it is worth it.

Parenting isn’t simple or a one size fits all. Every child, parent, and story is different. While being a mother isn’t always candy and roses, it is wonderful and very rewarding. These are the biggest (and most surprising) ways I struggled in my own personal walk into first-time motherhood…

1. Lack of Sleep

This is probably the biggest struggle for new moms. Everyone knows babies wake up throughout the night and need to eat often. So I knew this was a big thing going into motherhood. However, I greatly underestimated just how big a factor lack of sleep would be. I assumed it would be tough but would be over before I knew it. Wrong.

With my firstborn, early on she was a great daytime sleeper but a horrible nighttime sleeper. She had the typical day and night in reverse, and it was hard on me. Even after I gradually got her days and nights turned around, she still got up often throughout the night. In fact, she got up once or twice every night until she was close to 1 year old.

Now I don’t know about you, but before having kids, whenever I thought about the lack of sleep, I never thought it would last so long. It was so exhausting mentally and physically. I also wish I had had more people to talk to about it while I was going through it. I feel like it’s so underrated, and people don’t talk about it too much. It’s like it is understood there will be an adjustment with it, but you just assume it’s a short-lived thing. It’s not! And until you go through it, you really don’t fully understand how it will make you feel. 

2. Feeling Alone

When I was pregnant, I just assumed that after the baby came, it would be this huge bonding experience between my husband and me. I envisioned it being us (and baby) against the world. While it was an amazing bonding experience, after going home and getting into our normal routines again, it also felt very isolating. With hubby working, it was just the baby and me all day.

At the time, I was a military wife, and we were living in a different state from both of our families. I only had 1 friend who lived an hour away and was in nursing school (aka super busy). So the majority of the time I felt like it was all me, all by myself. It was a very lonely feeling.

Before birth, when I thought about the struggles of being a new mom, this issue never once crossed my mind. I am a pretty independent person and don’t have a problem doing things on my own, so I figured it would be the same being a mother.

Now you may have a different experience than me with friends and/or family close by, but even if you do, you aren’t immune to feeling alone. Being a first-time mom is a huge life-changing time, and no one can be with you 24/7.

3. No You Time

Another surprising thing I learned that was a hard adjustment was feeling like I had no me time. I really took for granted being able to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted before having kids. I didn’t really think of this being an issue beforehand.

I kind of knew things were going to be all about the baby, especially while they’re still so young and depend on you for everything, but I really didn’t anticipate feeling the way I did about it. Being a stay-at-home mom and exclusively breastfeeding definitely added to the feeling of not having any time to myself. I remember complaining to my husband that I missed just doing something for myself on more than one occasion.

I honestly missed my hobbies the most. I missed not sewing or doing yoga. Just little things I enjoyed that I felt like made me who I am. It’s tough in those early days to not feel like you're losing yourself and your identity when everything is wrapped around your new baby. 

4. Resentful of the Other Parent

To be honest, I never even thought of this as an option before having my first baby. I remember hearing stories from others about how much their husbands helped with their new babies during nighttime, and I knew that wasn’t going to be the case for me.

I knew beforehand that I would most likely be doing all the nighttime routines myself, and I was ok with that. After all, I would be breastfeeding, so I would have to get up to feed the baby regardless, and my hubby would be working, so he’d need his sleep to get through work. I’d be able to rest during the day. Even though I expected this, I still found myself getting resentful about it at times.

When you’re feeling sleep-deprived, stay home with the baby all day every day, are nursing constantly, and do everything for your newborn (or feel like you do) it is easy to start to resent the other parent for not helping as much. As a first-time mom, I liked doing everything myself and wanted to–but as time went on, it got really tiring.

Always being the one to get up at night and still get up first thing in the morning with the baby is hard. Taking care of meals, bath times, and everything in between is a lot for any one person. Knowing there are two of you and yet doing most of the work yourself is a very lonely and emotionally exhausting feeling.

I’m not saying my husband didn’t help at all. He went through a lot as a first-time dad too. We have since talked about this and worked through it, but it was very hard at the time for me, and it did create a bit of distance in our relationship. I didn’t bring it up while I was going through it, and I wish I had. Not talking about it with my husband let resentment build, and any little thing he did (or didn’t do) just let it grow further. 

By not talking about it, I also wrongly assumed I was the only woman who didn’t have her husband’s full help. I have since learned that many of my friends go through this to some extent too and that it is a normal way for guys to react. Looking back, I wish I had known about this ahead of time. I wish I could have been able to ask for help more and not just do it all on my own. And I also wish I had known that I wasn’t alone while I was going through it. 

You will go through so many new experiences as a new mom, and they won’t all be pretty. I wish I had known some of these things beforehand to be more equipped to handle them. I hope that in sharing my own personal experience with you, you will be better prepared and not completely blindsided like I was.

Just remember this:

• The lack of sleep is inevitable. The length of time it goes on can and will drive you crazy. But it does come to an end! It won’t be this way forever, and you are not alone in this struggle. 
• Feeling alone is natural at times. Even if you are geographically away from your family and friends, there are always other moms out there who can relate to you and what you are going through.
• The feelings of not doing anything for yourself will fade. They don’t last forever, and as your baby grows, things will get back to a new normal.
• Resentment can build for any number of reasons. Don’t let it create a wedge within your relationship with your partner. Communicate how you are feeling and ask for help when you need it. 

The biggest thing to remember is that you are not alone. Even when it feels like it. There are others who have been through it before you, are going through it right now with you, and will go through it after you’ve come out the other side. Reach out to those closest to you for support. Being a new mom is when you need that support the most!