Real Mom Talk: The Pressure to Do It All

You’ve heard it said, “you can have it all,” and that is true. Even as a mom? Yes, even as a mom, you can still have it all. You can still chase any dream. You can still do what you want. You can still be who you are. Motherhood doesn’t define you. It changes you, but it doesn’t define you. But while trying to have it all – do you ever feel the pressure to do it all? The pressure to get everything done in a timely manner? The pressure to hit every deadline and cross every to-do list item off your plate? I know I do.

I have especially been feeling this pressure a lot lately. My kids are a little older now, so I have time for myself again. I have really prioritized my self-care and started chasing my dreams again. And I love it! I feel more like myself again. I feel double the amount of purpose because of it. I feel accomplished, and like I’m setting the example that I want to for my kids. And yes, I do feel like I can have it all again. I can be a good stay-at-home mom and still chase my writing dreams at the same time. I can hit deadlines I give myself, hit professional deadlines, and keep my kids on a schedule.

So often I feel like there isn’t enough time in a day to do it all.

I know I’m not alone in that. My kids take up a majority of my time during the day, and I love it. But while they are great at playing independently so I can sneak some projects in, I really try to stay present and spend quality time with them too. I know they’re only a little one.

While my husband works hard all day to provide for us, I am often exhausted and cranky when he gets home. I use my kid’s naps and bedtime to my advantage to get projects done even on the weekends. This often leaves quality time with my husband lacking.

Between home projects, my passion projects, the kids, the dogs, my husband, my self-care, and misc projects, I just feel depleted some days. No matter how much I cross things off, the to-do list keeps getting longer and longer. I feel like I’m always running around trying to get something done.

And the reason I do this is that I feel the pressure from all sides.

Pressure to be a good mom and make memories with my kids. Pressure to be a good wife and spend quality time with my husband. Pressure to keep the house clean and put together. Pressure to get all appointments done and not miss a single deadline. Pressure to take care of myself. And the pressure to do my side projects for me.

I feel the pressure not only from outside forces but from myself too. We’re often harder on ourselves than anyone else. We believe we can do it all, and we try our best. But sometimes we fall short. That’s normal. We’re all only human after all. Whenever I feel overwhelmed or stressed, or I put too much pressure on myself, I try to remember that. I’m only human.

It’s all about balance. The balance between going and being still. The balance between eating healthy and eating fast food because of the convenience. The balance between working hard and resting. The balance between chasing dreams and enjoying the here and now.

Everyone’s timeline is different. You can’t judge your success by someone else’s. When you think someone has it all together. Think again. We all struggle. No one’s life is perfect all the time. Life as a mom is hard and confusing. We’re all human. Trying to find yourself as a new mom can be a struggle, but you can get there.

Give yourself the time and grace you need.

If you want to go to work as a mom, you can. If you want to stay home as a mom, you can. If you want to chase crazy dreams, you can. If you want to stay where you are, you can. If you want to have one kid or ten, you can. Whatever you want to do, you can do it. It may not be easy, and it may not happen as you plan. But you can do it.

From one mom to another, you CAN.

Real Mom Talk: First Trip Away from Kids

Yes, I’m that mom who never wants to leave her kids. From the moment my daughter was born, I never wanted to leave her. I genuinely wanted to spend all my time with her. I’m super critical of anyone who watches her and never wanted to leave her with anyone to get out of the house, let alone go on a vacation.

In fact, in the first three years of her life, there were only two times I can think of that I spent one night away from her. Once to stay with a friend who was going through a tough time. And once when I had to stay in the hospital after my son was born. Even then, I couldn’t wait to get home to her.

I never thought to go on a trip without the kids.

Whenever I went somewhere, I loved taking them. I love experiencing new things and creating new memories with them. But after 3 and a half years of never being without my kids, I needed a little trip away. When one of my best friends asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding back in my old home state of California, I began planning a kid-free week-long girls’ trip getaway.

Even though I knew it was coming and I was excited, I was so anxious to leave my babies for a whole week. They stayed with family, but I didn’t know how they would react to me not being. As a stay-at-home mom, I’m with them 24/7, so I knew it would be a big change for all of us.

It was so hard saying goodbye to them. My daughter kept asking to go with me. I cried when I had to say goodbye at the airport. But I knew it would be good for me to get some time away to recharge and see my girlfriends. And I knew it would be good for my kids to get some quality time with dad and grandma and to spread their wings.

As hard as it was to leave them, it was surprisingly easier than I thought it would be once I was gone. I stayed busy with the wedding and catching up with my besties. While I still missed them like crazy, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be to be away from them. The trip definitely did what I hoped it would for me. It was the break I needed to come back refreshed. I was so excited to get back to see them again.

While I don’t see myself traveling kid-free often (I still love our family trips), I do see the value in getting away every now and then. We all need a break and a vacation sometimes. There is nothing wrong with that.

I had so much mom guilt over having a kid-free trip that it took me 3 years to take one.

If you are struggling with the thought of leaving your littles for a weekend trip or even one night, I feel you. I was that girl. I am still that girl. We recently took a weekend trip for our anniversary, and it was still hard for me to leave my kids. But it wasn’t as hard as the first time.

If you feel mom guilt over wanting to have a kid-free trip, don’t. You need to take care of yourself too. If you need a little girl’s or couple’s getaway, that is nothing to be ashamed about. We all need a break every now and then. Self-care is not selfish! Take time for yourself.

If you feel mom guilt over a kid-free trip you have already taken, don’t. Remind yourself of why you did it in the first place. It’s good not only for you but also for your kids. Letting them branch out and get out of their norm is beneficial to their growth.

I know it’s hard and nerve-wracking leaving your littles for the first time.

But trust me, once you do it the first time, it will be easier going forward. It will most likely not be as bad as you think in your head. It may just surprise you at how well you and your kids do with it. If you are worried about your kids forgetting you or replacing you–that is not possible. You are still mom. They love you.

My kids loved having time with grandma. And I loved having girl time. So it was a win/win for all. We were able to video chat and still stay in touch while apart. Being away won’t last forever, and you can pick right back up where you were when you get back. Kids are resilient. Not all change is bad. Give yourself and your kids some credit.

You CAN take a trip kid-free and still love your kids more than anything else!

Real Mom Talk: The Sleep Regression Nightmare

Sleep regressions are so fun. Said no mom ever.

I don’t know about you, but lack of sleep was one of my biggest struggles as a mom with both of my babies. Sleep regressions are a normal part of babies growing and developing. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Just when you get a sleep breakthrough, it backpedals just as fast. When you feel like your sanity is coming back, it’s gone again.

Some things I’ve heard often as a mom are “it’s just a phase” and “it will pass”. While those are true, it is not comforting to hear in the midst of the sleep struggle. Another common thing I heard all the time is “sleep when the baby sleeps”. Well, what do you do when the baby fights sleep or barely sleeps? You have to muscle through.

One sleepless night turns into another and another. Before you know it, you’re a walking zombie. Or mombie, as the case may be.

There are so many things that can lead to sleep regressions. Just think about it for a minute…babies go through so many changes in their first couple of years of life. Playing, crawling, walking, eating food, etc. Now throw in some pain/discomfort like teething, sickness, growing pains, etc. And now think about any other possible big changes outside of their control, like moving, other siblings, etc.

It makes perfect sense that sleep changes happen in the midst of all the other changes in their lives.

Trying to see things through my baby’s eyes helps me to be more sympathetic towards what they are going through. But that doesn’t make it any easier on you as the momma. It’s so hard to be there and give your baby your all when you are struggling. Lack of sleep and fighting sleep play a huge part in that.

I’ve struggled so much during sleep training and sleep regressions. It has been one of the hardest parts of early motherhood for me. I’m no expert, but I have made it through two kids’ sleep struggles so far.

Sometimes you may feel like you’re going crazy. Sometimes you may be getting up often throughout the night. Sometimes you may find yourself driving around aimlessly just to get your little one to sleep. Sometimes you may walk around the block a million times with your baby in the stroller. Sometimes you may have to rock them or feed them to sleep. Sometimes you may cry in the other room while your baby cries.

Just remember you are NOT a bad mom. Whether you let them cry it out or don’t. You are NOT a bad mom. Whether you help them get to sleep or make them do it on their own. You are NOT a bad mom. Every child and family is different. You have to do what works for you and your baby. And that may be something different with each kid you have.

Sleep regressions are not fun. But they are a normal part of life with babies. If you are struggling, you are NOT alone. If you feel like you’re going crazy, you are NOT alone. If you are doing what you can just to get through, you are NOT alone.

If you are dealing with sleep regressions you are NOT alone.

I’ve been there multiple times. I was just there about a month ago. And let me tell you, it sucked. I finally feel like we’re getting back on track now. Staying consistent even when it’s hard is so helpful. Making time for yourself is so important. Just being there for your little one is so crucial.

You CAN make it through this. You ARE strong enough to handle it.

You’ve got this!

Real Mom Talk: Picking Your Battles

Do you ever feel like you’re just picking your battles as a mom? Yeah, me too. Like almost every day.

Battles like: Do your kids really need to get dressed, or can they wear PJs all day? Even though they’ve already hit their screen time limit, would you rather they be cranky or just watch another show? Do they really need a balanced breakfast, or will fruit snacks suffice today?

I was always that parent who wanted to keep things consistent and routine for my kids. Most of the time (like with sleep training), I found that it worked better for them if I did. Although routine and structure are important for kids, not everything has to be done at the exact same time every single day.

What does it really hurt if your kid wants to stay in PJs all day? Especially if you aren’t leaving the house anyway? What’s one day of going over their screen time limit every now and then? If you need them distracted for your sanity, then just roll with it. And even if it isn’t the healthiest option, having fruit snacks for breakfast really isn’t going to damage them.

Some days these battles may seem like the end all be all, but in the grand scheme of things do they really matter that much?

This is the true story of how one mother (me) let the battle of having fruit snacks for breakfast consume her. There was a time when my daughter was about 9-12 months old that all she would eat for breakfast was fruit snacks. No matter how hard I tried to get her to eat a banana or toast or anything else, she refused. She would throw a fit and not eat anything unless it was fruit snacks.

I let it weigh heavily on me for a long time. I felt like a bad mom because I couldn’t get her to eat a healthier breakfast. I felt like a bad mom because I gave in to her demands. It took me a while to realize that it wasn’t really as big of a deal as I was making it out to be.

So she shouldn’t eat toast, so what? To me, it was more important that she ate something (anything). At the time, I also had a newborn and felt completely drained most days. I just didn’t have the energy or willpower to put up a fight about breakfast, so I just gave in. I let her have her way, and I gave her the fruit snacks.

Giving in isn’t always a bad thing. You don’t have to be strong all the time. You can’t be the perfect mom…because newsflash, NO ONE is!

Picking your battles doesn’t mean you are weak.

It doesn’t mean you are a bad mom. It simply means you are choosing what works best for you at the moment. It’s choosing your own sanity.

Sometimes letting them just have the fruit snacks for breakfast saves you from being a wreck all day. It saves you from having to deal with a major meltdown first thing in the morning. It saves you from wasting food they won’t eat. It’s not always for them. Sometimes it’s just for you.

Sometimes you need a mental break. Sometimes you need a minute to yourself. Sometimes you need peace and quiet. And that is OK.

Choosing not to fight a battle for yourself is a good enough reason.

Being a mom is hard. Some days are just tough. You do what you have to do to get through. You do what you have to do to keep your cool. Do what you have to do for YOU.

We’ve all been there. If it’s not fruit snacks, it will be something else. In the grand scheme of things, will your child be safe and taken care of? If the answer is yes, then the rest doesn’t matter.

So the next time your child puts up a battle over something that’s not that important, just think about if it’s really worth the battle or not. Mom guilt is real, and there are so many outside voices that can influence whether you feel like you’re doing a good job or not. Try not to let them.

Just remember that you are a great mom. Even when you don’t feel like it. You are exactly who your baby(s) need. Hang in there and believe you are doing a good job.

Because you ARE!