I’m kicking off my birth month with my first post in my new “This is 30” series. Each week for the month of July, I will be sharing a new post celebrating this big milestone. I honestly feel a bit uneasy turning the big 3-0. I have loved my 20s; they have been some of the best years of my life. They have been filled with so many changes and growth and adventures and dream chasing.
I don’t know how my 30s can live up to the same hype, but I am so excited to try and am determined to make it just as good, if not better. To do so, I am going to start by taking a look back at my life these past 30 years. So without further ado, here are 30 things I’ve learned in my first 30 years.
1. Your loved ones will always be there for you no matter what
One of the biggest things I’ve learned over the years is this. Your loved ones, family, and friends will always have your back. Even when you make bad choices or do something they don’t agree with, they will still be there. Even when you think you are unlovable or that nobody will help you, your loved ones will. I’ve made bad decisions and thought my family would be ashamed of me, but that is the farthest thing from the truth. The people who really care about you will always be there for you because they love you.
2. Chase your dreams
I’ve always been a big dreamer. I have big dreams, and I chase those dreams. Some call me brave, some call me crazy, but I go for them. You’ll never achieve your dreams if you don’t chase them. It can be scary, but if you let the fear of rejection or failure keep you from even trying, then you are the only one who misses out. Don’t miss out. Chase those dreams!
3. Live with no regrets
This has probably been my biggest life motto. It goes hand in hand with chasing dreams. What drives my adventurous spirit and dream-chaser nature is living with no regrets. Whether I achieve all that I want or I don’t, I would rather try and fail than not try at all and never know. I don’t ever want to look back and wonder “what if” or wish I had tried something that I didn’t. Living with regrets is way worse for me than things not going as I hope.
4. Friends come and go
When you go through hard times, you find out who your real friends are. The ones who are there for you no matter what, who support your crazy ideas and dreams, and tell you the truth even when it’s hard to hear, are one of a kind. When you find those kinds of friends, don’t let them go.
I’ve had good friends come and go throughout my life. It is only natural. As you grow and change, your friendships evolve too. Friends move around and go in different directions. It’s not always a bad thing either. Through different seasons of life, you bond with different people.
I’ve had to grieve some lost friendships, but I also now have my solid girl gang around me. Amazing women who, despite life changes and distance, have remained close to me, and I know I can go to them for anything. They are the first ones I go to when something big happens in my life, and they are stuck with me because I’m never letting them go.
5. Everyone’s path is different, and that is OK
Not everyone is meant to be in the same job field or have the same interests. That’s what makes life so exciting. We all have our own path. That is why there are so many different jobs out there. Just because your path isn’t the predictable or “normal” one doesn’t mean it’s a wrong one.
My whole life, all I wanted to do was move to California and become an actress for television and film. I grew up in a Christian home where Missions was heavily celebrated. I’ve had friends become missionaries, and I am so proud of them! I know it’s not easy work. I knew I was never cut out for it. But I wanted to use an entertainment platform to be a light.
I felt like an outsider for wanting to choose a Hollywood lifestyle instead of a Missionary one. But that was where my heart was. I knew God gave me my dreams and desires for a reason. So I followed them. Not everyone has the same path. Some are called to be missionaries, doctors, athletes, lawyers, entrepreneurs, teachers, law enforcement officers, and even entertainers. It is OK if your path looks different than everyone else around you.
6. Love is always worth the fight
So many people call it quits too early in a relationship. At the first sign of trouble or conflict, too often people just walk away. Love is a choice. You have to keep choosing it over and over, and you have to fight for it. What I’ve learned in my own experience is that when love is real and worth it, you fight for it. Without love, you have nothing. So whether you are fighting for a partner, a relationship, a family member, or a friendship, love is always worth the fight.
7. Always follow your gut
There is something to be said about gut instinct and following it. Being smart and aware of things around you is so important. I moved across the country from Virginia to California at age 19. As a young girl in Los Angeles and San Diego, I was always on my guard and followed my gut. I found multiple roommates on Craigslist, which can be scary, but I always just trusted my gut. Same with meeting and dating guys. If I didn’t feel 100% comfortable, even if I couldn’t put my finger on why, I didn’t do it.
Now that’s not to say some guys didn’t turn out to be jerks or that every roommate was easy to get along with, but I have always stayed safe and never been put into a dangerous situation. I don’t have any regrets and made some lasting friendships through it all. I’ve always followed my gut feeling, and it hasn’t steered me wrong yet.
8. Know your worth
As a teen and young adult, there are so many pressures in the world. Everyone goes through figuring out who you are and knowing your worth. As women especially, it’s so easy to believe lies that others tell you about yourself or that you tell yourself. It’s normal to have insecurities; we all have them. We are truly our own worst enemies. It’s so important to know your worth. You matter. You deserve to be happy. You deserve respect.
I’ve had times in my life where I let others take that from me and let myself spiral. When I finally took back that power for myself and didn’t care anymore, that is when I moved past it and came back to who I am. Know your worth and don’t let anyone take that from you.
9. The best surprises come when you aren’t looking for them
They say love finds you when you aren’t looking for it, and good things happen when you least expect them. And I agree with both. I met my husband when I wasn’t looking and really didn’t want a serious relationship. My son was also a surprise and has been the best addition to our little family. Surprises have been some of the best things to happen to me in my life.
10. Everything happens for a reason
I have reminded myself of this often in my life. When something doesn’t go the way I want, when I don’t know what’s going to happen, when good things happen, when sad things happen, when one door closes, etc. No matter what happens, everything happens for a reason.
As a Christian, I believe God is in control and has my life planned out. When one door closes, another opens. Not taking things personally and instead trying to look forward to what’s to come helps me focus on this. There is always a rainbow after a storm. Everything happens for a reason, and one day you’ll be able to look back and see why.
11. Work hard, stay humble
This past year I have been working hard on this blog and chasing my dreams. My parents instilled in me a good work ethic from a young age. If you want something, you have to work for it. I worked hard to graduate high school a year early, and from there I worked full-time for a year and a half, during which I saved up enough money to buy my first car and move across the country from Virginia to California.
Another important thing they instilled in me is to stay humble. No matter your success or accomplishments, staying humble is still important. Staying grounded and down to earth has been my goal in all of my dream-chasing endeavors.
12. There is good in every situation
You see what you want to see. When you choose to look for the bad, that is all you will see. And on the flip side, when you choose to look for the good, that is what you will see. I’ve seen some crazy and uncertain times in my lifetime (especially lately), but I always choose to focus on the positive and find the good in every situation.
I’ve found that I am much happier and more myself when I choose to find the good. When I focus on the negatives, it sends me into a downward spiral where I’m down about everything. I’ve been there before, so now I actively focus on the positive. There is so much good in the world; you just have to look for it.
13. Always be yourself
Staying true to who you are is sometimes easier said than done. But it is so important. During the teen and young adult years, it’s so easy to go the way of the crowd and lose yourself. I’ve had a phase like this. It’s a common thing while growing. But I am proud to say overall, I’ve stayed true to who I am a majority of the time. I have reached a time now where I wouldn’t trade who I am for anyone else. I don’t take things personally if others don’t agree with me or like me, and instead, I stay true to me. I have found that I am the happiest when I’m being myself.
14. It’s OK to change your mind
As you learn and grow, you learn what you like and don’t like. Who hasn’t tried a new sport or activity only to learn that it wasn’t for you? Who thought they’d have one career only to switch paths later on? It’s a very normal thing. Many people change their majors in college; some quit before they even graduate, and some go to school later in life. Things are always changing.
It’s OK to grow and evolve. It’s OK to change your mind. As life changes and you go through different things, your priorities can change. Once I had my kids, my priorities and dreams shifted and changed from what they were before kids. If you’re not happy, make a change.
15. Apologize when you’re wrong
There is a funny saying that a wife is always right. While it’s funny, I’ve never been a fan of that saying. There is no one person who is always right. Everyone is human, and we all make mistakes. We are all wrong sometimes. What matters is how we handle it. Being the bigger person isn’t always easy, but it is needed sometimes. Own it when you make a mistake and apologize when you are wrong.
16. Learn from your mistakes
We’re all human; we all make mistakes. Making mistakes is a part of life. It’s what you do with those mistakes that shapes your life. When you choose to learn from them and move forward, you grow from them as well. Learning from your mistakes and growing from them helps you not repeat them in the future.
17. Pay attention to little things
Something I have learned is that you learn so much about someone or something by just paying attention to the little things. I’ve always been a people watcher. Whenever I was interested in a guy, I always paid close attention to little things he did. Those little things told me more about the guy than any big thing he did. Don’t get me wrong, big gestures and surprises are nice, but it’s the little things that honestly mean the most to me. When you pay attention to the little things, you can learn so much.
18. You are not alone
This has been the biggest lesson I have learned since becoming a mother. As a military wife and living away from family and friends, I often felt alone as a new mother. As I opened up with friends and family, one of the biggest things I learned was that I am not alone. When I opened up about my struggles to my friends, I was shocked to hear they’ve gone through the same exact things.
Even when you think you are alone because no one talks about the hard aspects of motherhood, you are not alone. If you feel alone because you don’t live near family, if you feel like no one can relate, if you are ashamed about a choice you’ve made, you are not alone. There is always someone who can relate.
19. Count your blessings
It is so important to stay grateful for your mental health. All too often, people think the grass is greener on the other side. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, focus on what you do have. When you focus on the positives and count your blessings, it makes a huge difference.
I had a tough time adjusting to life with two kids under the age of two in the early days. I started noticing I was always complaining and ruining everyone’s mood. So I did a 30-day challenge where I wrote in a gratitude journal one thing I was grateful for each day (no matter how small it was). By choosing to count my blessings, it shifted my focus to find the positives again and helped my mental health so much.
20. Life is too short
Nothing in life is guaranteed. It can all be over in the blink of an eye. No one is promised tomorrow. This is exactly why I try to live with no regrets, chase my dreams, knock bucket list items off, and have fun. Make the most of every moment. Always tell others what they mean to you. If you are unhappy with something, change it. Life is too short to be anything but happy.
21. Know when to let go
Letting go is a part of life. Sometimes you have to let go of relationships or things that are toxic and not good for you. If it makes you miserable or does more damage than good, it’s not worth it. Knowing when to let go can be a tricky thing sometimes, but when you know, you know. Let it go. You’ll be better off.
22. There is nothing better (or harder) than being a mom
It was always a dream of mine to be a mom. I knew it would have its challenges, but I couldn’t wait. It has been an absolute dream to become a mother. I never knew how much my love could grow until having kids. Every day I learn something new from them, and I love going on adventures with my little family. But it hasn’t been without its challenges. It has been an adjustment and struggle in many ways too. Despite the hard days, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. While it’s tough, it is so very rewarding too. Being a mom is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me.
23. You believe what you tell yourself
Much like you control your attitude, you also control your thoughts. What you tell yourself, you will believe. We’re always hardest on ourselves. But instead of tearing yourself down, you should be building yourself up. Give yourself positive affirmations, pep talks, etc. Whatever works. Tell yourself the good about yourself, and you will start to believe it.
24. There are no stupid questions
This is something I was always told as a kid. “There are no stupid questions”. Sometimes it may feel like there are, but there really aren’t. You learn by asking questions. You understand by asking and getting an answer. No matter where or when, if you have a question, ask it.
25. Being spontaneous will give you amazing adventures
I’ve always been pretty adventurous and had a big spontaneous side. During my single young adult years, it was not uncommon for me and my friends to come up with a plan last minute and just run with it. I have so many great memories of spontaneous moments and trips. Now with kids, it’s a little harder to be as spontaneous as I used to be, but I still try to when I can. Being open-minded and spontaneous will lead to many fun memories. I encourage you to try it.
26. It doesn’t matter what others think
This is hard to believe sometimes. Everyone wants to be liked and fit in. It’s so easy to get absorbed into what others think of you. Wanting to leave a good impression is natural and isn’t a bad thing. But letting fears of what others will think if you chase that crazy dream, or wear your favorite outfit, will only get you down. That’s no way to live. There will always be haters. But when you learn to not care what others think about you, you’ll be free.
27. Self-care is crucial and not selfish
When you’re young and carefree, it’s easy to put yourself first. Since I became a mom, I have put myself on the back burner a lot. This past year, I have really learned to prioritize my self-care. It is so important to take care of yourself. When you are taken care of, you can better take care of everyone else in your life. Prioritizing your self-care and doing things for yourself is not selfish.
28. Collect moments & memories, not things
The best things in life are free. Spending time with the ones you love is truly priceless. Collecting moments and memories is more valuable than any material thing could possibly be. Things come and go, but a great experience and a fun memory will last a lifetime. Make the most of your moments because they will always turn into your memories.
29. You can always make time for what is important to you
I’ve really learned this firsthand in the last couple of years. How often have you said or simply thought, “I don’t have the time” or “There isn’t enough time in the day”? I know I have, one too many times. It’s so easy to feel like there isn’t enough time to do all that you want to do. How do you spend your time now? How much time do you spend scrolling mindlessly on your phone or watching TV during the day? You may have to rearrange some things around, but you can always make time for what is most important to you.
30. Stop saying tomorrow and do it today
How many times do you say you want to do something but don’t do it? How often do you say “I’ll do such and such tomorrow” but don’t? It’s so easy to fall into this trap. I have done it way too many times to count in my own life. But the good news is that you can break that cycle anytime. Do you have a dream or goal you have been putting off? Stop putting it off and start doing it now. Stop saying you’ll do it tomorrow and just do it today.
I hope that by sharing my own experiences with these life lessons I have learned, it will help to inspire you in your own life journey. If you have gone through any of these things, you are not alone. We’re all just learning and growing as we go. Cheers to 30!
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